Calm like a bomb.

Days and nights are spent in a torrent of emotion. Up and down goes the rollercoaster, up and down. Between blinding hate and blissful euphoria. I feel like I should kick half the world in the teeth. That I'm angry enough to tear, and to crush and to rip until there's nothing more of all this piece of crap. I've inherited this schizophrenia - I'm sure of it. I am also sure that if I manipulate myself well enough, it will serve me excellently. I'm certain that in the end, things will be different. Not can, but will. If I work hard enough, and steer myself well enough.

If there is one thing that is my enemy it is calcification in my habits. That I so easily get sucked into something sub-par, or something that stimulates me at times but mostly just kills the creative nerve. I get so agitated when she doesn't really seem to value the same things I do.

Anyway, three hours of work per day. It's pathetic, I know. But three hours of work is a start. From there I can move on to a higher standard. If I don't study carefully and with discipline, I'll never get anywhere.

Hasta la victoria siempre!