Monday, November 28, 2005

Suddenly it's winter again and everything somehow changed. The darkness, and the cold and the winter all came together and became protective somehow. It's warm here. And outside there's a perfect night. It's a calm, an empty space. Something that hovers by itself in the world. One of those perfect bubbles where complete freedom somehow exists and simple joy can be found anywhere. It happens, sometimes. By sheer spontanity. But this is the magic of winter - when the outside is strong, complete and you always know what you're getting yourself into. And suddenly, I feel like it was two winters ago. And my heart is bigger than it ever was before. And I am a lot wiser. And I can't think of anything better than now. I can do anything, but it is enough to be here, right now.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

I historien är det alltid så att det finns kluster av människor, det bildas nexus av viktiga personer som var och en på något sätt lyckas sprida sig utåt, skapa ringar på vattnet i de mest osammanhängande områden. Ludwig Wittgenstein gick i skola hos Hitler, Marx dotter avskydde Oscar Wilde och umgicks glatt med Shaw, Sokrates-Platon-Aristoteles bildade den starkaste filosofiska ätten i världshistorien, och Filosofen i sin tur lärde upp Alexander den Store. Swedenborg och Karl XII, Lenin och Branting, Turing och Cambridgespionerna.

Det får mig att undra vad som kommer komma härnäst - kanske är det bara mina ytliga dramatiska drömmar. Men kanske är det något mer? Ibland undrar jag om inte konstitutionen av människorna runt mig nödvändiggör ett ihågkommande. Ibland verkar det helt otroligt att någonting annat kan ske. Jag är viss på det här området på ett totalt ologiskt sätt - men min intution säger mig det, och när jag testar tesen är den fast som berggrunden.

För de människor jag känner och umgås med är nästan helt och hållet helt otroliga - människor som verkligen kan sägas vara unika. Jag slås verkligen av deras förmåga. Vilket är också det som gör att jag känner sådan ilska vid deras oförmåga. Det och min egna ondskefulla läggning som visar sig då och då.

Ibland känns det hela schizofrent - det går upp och ner i en kavalkad av känslor. De värsta nederlagen och de högsta höjderna. Jag kan knappt kontrollera mig själv, utan söker ut den värsta hedonismen som man kan tänka sig. Total förudmjukelse och sorg verkar som ett bättre alternativ än stillestånd i själen.

På senaste tid har jag märkt vilken fruktansvärd kausalitet det finns i hela mitt liv, och kombinationen av mina åsikter, känslor, läggning och naturliga böjelser blir klar. Det är en ganska sorgsen process, att inse vissa saker om en själv. Men det är sant - och det är det som räknas. Den enda gången då man är riktigt fri är när man paradoxalt nog agerar utefter total altruism.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Polemic against the nationstate.

Now and then I hear people who espouse pride in their nation - be they American, Swedish, British or something else. But what is it they are expressing pride in, really? When I feel pride, I feel it over something I have been proud of. I am proud of what I just wrote, I am proud of the dinner I managed to make without fouling up or I am proud of having come such a long way. I might hold pride in what me and my friends have accomplished together, what a small group I have joined have done or what my party that I support has done. And I can feel ashamed for the same reason if they produce unwanted results, or if I feel it is somehow immoral.

But am I really a part of what my nation does? And more importantly, am I a part of what it once -was-? Because it seems to me that nationalists of whatever kind express a sentimental love for something, a dream more than something real. They always express their dissatisfaction with something. Sometimes in a racist manner, often imperially and at times only blindly. But there is always that "taint" that hangs over their nation - what should not be there. What needs to be corrected, and what the country is not about.

Take Sweden for example. Our "national socialists", ie, modern day neo-nazis and other "patriots" (a word that is just a simple synonym for nationalist) talk about Sweden in glowing terms. What is it they are thinking of really? Let's consider three perspectives, the rest are probably totally uninteresting. First, the vikings. The vikings were some of the most multicultural people of their time - travelling from Ireland in the west to the inner parts of Russia, down to Constantinopole. They were raiders and pirates, yes, but they were also tradesmen and settled in many places. Among them Normandie, Kiev, parts of England and Ireland, along the Volga and a large contingent served the Emperor of Constantinope as his personal guard. An Arab historian (the man who the 13th warrior was based on) even got to travel with a band of vikings, totally peacefully. I think it is unlikely that they would have agreed to any of the "purity of the race/nationstate" nonsense.

Next, the Swedish imperial age. Again, I become confused. Charles XII and Gustavus Adolphus, big heroes of the nationalists, weren't exactly racists. Charles XII got to hang out with the Turks for many long years until he became so annoying after they told him politely to consider leaving that they sent an army to throw him out. Gustavus Adolphus modernized our realm, and in both cases, they both took a great deal of help from foreigners and didn't exactly close our borders or hate people with a different colour of their skin.

Lastly, the earlier half of the 20th century in Sweden. Ruled by social democrats after the workers movement finally manages to bring part of the industralist capitalists to a halt. There were some nationalists sentiments expressed at times now and then by at least the imperialists and the later social democrats - but they had defeated the right wing. And it is the right wing that so oftenly constitutes and always supports the nationalist powers of a state, Germany in the 30's is a great example. Leftist powers are always moving -against- these destructive movements that remove all capacities for emancipation for them. It is only when they lose themselves into considering the nationstate as more important than class that they forget their reason and join up to be the soldiers of the right wing. The First World War, Fascist Italy and Nazi Germany are again, good examples of when the right wing supports a growing bigoted nationalist movement because of terrible conditions, and a "joint front" with their old enemies, the right.

But my point is made. The dream of the nationstate is just that, a dream. There has never been, and will never be the "pure" Sweden that so many so-called patriots would like there to be. And neither has there been that in Germany, in America or France.

"Nationalism is the idea that a country is better because you were born in it". And that quote is true. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a culture, but a culture is something far different, and more real than a nationstate is. Even if we one day have no more nations, we will always have cultures. I enjoy parts of the Scandinavian culture, and parts of the American one. But I do not enjoy them as nationstates, and both their past has some very dark episodes. Identification with them leads to an oversimplification of the way the world really is like, and more importantly, it confuses our real goals with romantic dreamers and with those who benefit from an increased love of the nation.

And that is but one group - the oligarchs in power. Usually capitalist, but sometimes politicians. Marx was right when he issued his imperative: "Workers in all countries - unite yourselves!" without that, we are all doomed to loose a battle against the flexible and moving capital as we try to huddle behind our nations and make alliances of convenience with reactionaries.

The lefts main fault of today is acting as a reactionary - when it should act as a revolutionary. The work that lies before any succesful movement is revolutionary in that it breaks boundaries and it breaks apart the lies and illusions of the old to carve a new beginning. It is revolutionary because it denies the power that some things have, and thereby emancipate us. It is revolutionary because it is sheer, hard work that will be met by powerful reactionary forces that will rally the nationstate against the labourer.

And when I say labourer I am not talking about the class that is more or less gone of industrial workers, I am speaking of anyone and everyone who is used by the system of today. Ie, most of us. The idea that socialists are either intellectuals sitting in their cafés or those who work with their hands and backs in the fires of the forges is something that must be removed. Analysts, reporters, office workers, police, soldiers and everyone else - wherever there exists a hierarchy that is not one that the people itself has a power over, one that is not democratic.

Because in the end, every democrat that thinks longer than his own nose must realize that there is more to democracy than a mere vote once every four years. Democracy is an ongoing process of emancipation, intensively tied to the left in polemic against the right. We are in the cradle of democracy as it is. Perhaps one day, we will be full, total democrats.

Until then, we must strike away all ideas of relying on the nationstates as a buffert, or believing that it has powers that it does not have, or thinking that it is indeed a good thing, or dreaming of a time that never was, or dreaming of a time that never will be, or thinking that it will solve everything for us. Explanations that lead us to make it alright to "break a few eggs" must not be accepted. Not for the working class, and not for the nationstate.

The only damage that will be done by the left is the damage that rises out of the reaction of the right wing, of whatever kind. The only destruction that can ever be condoned is when we do not fire the first shot. What the left must do is instead creating it's own way, and moving towards it boldly and in a democratic, discursive manner. It must be open and flexible, and it must know no borders. Capitalists certainly do not. And as we have seen, there is no borders that are acceptable for us - every true friend is a good friend. Our weapons are obedience, discipline, intellect, endurance and hard work. Obedience, you ask? Yes, obedience - to the rules that we recognize as right. Obedience to not harming another physically, but obedience to always working towards our goal of emancipation. The rest is critique, understanding, humanism and teaching. If we are ever to succeed, we must broaden our horizons and work with powers in the public and private sector, immigrants, the elderly, the young, everyone who is willing to work for our emancipation, to take back control of our means of production and our means of living a good life. The socialist does not wish to take anything away from anyone - she simply wishes to give everyone what everyone should be able to enjoy.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Tänkvärt

"Filosofin kommer, så länge en blodsdroppe pulserar i dess världsbetvingande och absolut fria hjärta, att med Epikuros ropa till sina motståndare: 'Men gudlös är ej den som röjer undan hopens gudar, utan de som tillskriver gudarna hopens föreställningar.' Folosofin gör ingen hemlighet av det. Prometheus bekännelse - 'Kort sagt hatar jag varenda gud' - är hennes egen bekännelse, hennes eget utrop mot alla himmelska och jordiska gudar som inte erkänner människans självmedvetande som den högsta gudomen. Det skall icke finnas någon jämte den." - Karl Marx.

Tänkvärt

"Filosofin kommer, så länge en blodsdroppe pulserar i dess världsbetvingande och absolut fria hjärta, att med Epikuros ropa till sina motståndare: 'Men gudlös är ej den som röjer undan hopens gudar, utan de som tillskriver gudarna hopens föreställningar.' Folosofin gör ingen hemlighet av det. Prometheus bekännelse - 'Kort sagt hatar jag varenda gud' - är hennes egen bekännelse, hennes eget utrop mot alla himmelska och jordiska gudar som inte erkänner människans självmedvetande som den högsta gudomen. Det skall icke finnas någon jämte den." - Karl Marx.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I'm tired.

I'm tired of the whole useless circle again and again. I'm really growing tired with online gaming in many ways. There's still some reasons why I like to stay, but my patience is growing thin. Above all, it is the feeling of uselessness. I come home, full of ideas and energy, and having to spend time with a pathetic bunch of status-seeking idiots to get out a few golden moments seem like such a waste. With that said, I've had some great, great times through online gaming and met some wonderful people, Melanie especially.

It's just the rest of it - the smallness of the people. Perhaps it's just my own problem with people that's talking, but I get fed up by their quasi-knowledge, ass-licking and politicking. And the sheer stupidity of some things, too.

I'm slowly getting over City of Shadows where I used to ST. I'm not ready to ST again online for quite a bit, and maybe I never want to again. All I really want to do is enjoy myself, meet people and roleplay. I'm sick of people chitchatting about totally meaningless things while anything really important either seems intimidating, is way above them, is way beyond them or is hushed down because of how "sensitive" it is.

Idiotic.

Too much politics, too many idiots, too much nonsense, too much waste.

Otherwise I am doing a lot of thinking. Reading a biography of Marx. Trying to work as much with my mind as possible. If there is ever any chance of me getting anywhere, I am going to need every little ounce of knowledge I can scrape up. And it does make me happy. Conversing with like-minded, goofing out, reading some really important things. Lund, where my university is, is more than a thousand years old. Large parts of it still feel medieval. The entire place breathes history, but at the same time there is a great sense of force and creativity. I love it there.

Melanie is coming the 17th! That's the best part of this gloomy post. I'm so excited, and so happy that she's coming here finally. I'm so excited!! It'll be so great to have her here over christmas, go see Copenhagen and Stockholm... wander down the old streets of Lund and Malmö. Pointing out things here, celebrating Christmas in a Swedish way, watching movies, roleplaying... I really just want to hold her in my arms. And that right now, preferably.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Introduction and whatnot.

So this is my first post here, hopefully not the last one :P

Anyway, this is my blog and everything. Intended for me to post whatever nonsense it is I think up. It's probably going to amount to a great deal of ranting. I'm not exactly happy with the way things are in the world, and I am notorious for my ability to create schisms.

The topics will probably be, well.. yes, love, politics and philosophy. The things that really matter to me. I'll alternate between Swedish and English as I go along, and possibly mix in some German and French if I can manage to not make an ass out of myself with it.

But really, that's the first post. Amounting to not much more.
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